Spring movie guide: Plenty of rom-coms for Valentine's Day

Sally Field has a crush on Max Greenfield in "Hello, My Name is Doris." (Courtesy photo)

Say, what's the time?

Both the Beastie Boys and Hollywood think it's time to get ill. Why? Because springtime ain't for Oscar movies, popcorn flicks or superhero blockbusters — it's for films that play both sides of that most-divisive of days, Feb. 14. Rom-coms and horror flicks can make certain people feel ill — though not in the way Adrock, Mike D and MCA mean (members of the Beastie Boys, for the hip-hop challenged).

If you're looking to get lovesick, try the new Nicholas Sparks flick, "The Choice," the Sarah Jessica Parker-in-Tuscany movie, "All Roads Lead to Rome," the Rebel Wilson comedy, "How to Be Single," or "My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2." If you want to hold down your cherry cordials though, go for Terrence Malick's "Knight of Cups" or the manic-depressives-in-love film "Touched with Fire."

If you prefer murder with your popcorn, horror films abound. Try "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies"' "The Other Side of the Door," where a grieving mother opens a portal to the dead; the nightmares-become-true horror film, "Before I Wake," or the punk-band-in-trouble-with-Patrick-Stewart flick, "Green Room."

Should you be the sort who just wants a good film, try "Jane Got a Gun," "Deadpool," Best Foreign Language Nominee "Embrace of the Serpent," Sally Fields' "Hello, My Name is Doris," "The Little Prince," sci-fi thriller "Midnight Special" or the Coens' latest film, "Hail, Caesar!"

Here, for your perusal, are all the movies hitting our theaters this winter and spring that weren't super foreign and only going to be shown in somebody's basement in Denver for a single night. Release dates are subject to change.

JANUARY

Today

"Fifty Shades of Black"

R | Comedy

The fact Marlon Wayans bothered to write and direct a feature-length version of a joke already made several times on YouTube ("50 Shades of Gay," "50 Shades of Broke," "50 Shades of Buscemi," "50 Shades of Santa," ad nauseam) seems like a bit of a waste; that said, some folks really like his "Scary Movie" franchise.

"The Finest Hours"

PG-13 | Action

Director Craig Gillespie's film is based on a real Coast Guard mission off the coast of Cape Cod in 1952. Chris Pine stars as Bernie Webber, head of a coast guard crew sent out at night in blizzard conditions to rescue the crews of two oil tankers, one of which has been cut in half. With only hours before both crews face certain death, Coast Guard bossman Daniel Cluff (Eric Bana), shouts at Bernie's fiancee (Holliday Grainger), who's insisting the trip is a suicide mission, and sends the crew out anyhow.

"Kung Fu Panda 3"

PG | Animation

The third one. Starring Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, a bunch of other people, and J.K. Simmons as the new bad guy.

"Jane Got a Gun"

R | Action

George Clooney is a goofy actor in the Coen brothers' "Hail, Caesar!" (Courtesy photo)

Despite a director swap, several cast changes, and a slew of unfulfilled release dates, this film about a woman (Natalie Portman) defending her home and family alongside her ex-fiance (Joel Edgerton) after a gang (led by Ewan McGregor in classic bad-guy facial hair) shoots her husband (Noah Emmerich) looks as if it might be pretty good.

FEBRUARY

Feb. 5

"Pride and Prejudice and Zombies"

PG-13 | Horror

The title says it all, right? This campy zombie film stars Lily James, Lena Headey, Douglas Booth. Written by Burr Steers (who also directs) and I guess Jane Austen.

"Hail, Caesar!"

PG-13 | Musical

The latest Coen Brothers flick is set in a 1950s Hollywood back lot busy producing a few musicals, a few more musicals and an epic musical set in ancient Rome, "Hail, Caesar!" Eddie Mannix (Josh Brolin) is the studio's fixer, a deeply religious man tasked with recovering the star of "Hail," dimwitted Baird Whitlock (George Clooney) who's been kidnapped and ransomed for $100,000. Stars Tilda Swinton as an uppity journalist, Scarlett Johansson as a nasally starlet, Ralph Fiennes as a director working with undirectable actors (Alden Ehrenreich), and Channing Tatum, Dolph Lundgren, Jonah Hill, Clancy Brown, Frances McDormand, Christopher Lambert, and are you salivating yet?

"The Choice"

PG-13 | Romance

All Roads Lead to Rome, featuring Raoul Bova and Sarah Jessica Parker, fills the bill for a Valentine s rom-com. (Courtesy photo)

This Nicholas "The Notebook" Sparks adaptation looks like a throwaway — Travis (Benjamin Walker) and Gabby (Teresa Palmer) fall in love in a small coastal town, there's another dude in the way for a while, a car accident, tears, hospital freakouts, an old-timer giving advice (Tom Wilkinson) and probably a fight with your boyfriend afterward for not being more like Travis.

"All Roads Lead to Rome"

PG-13 | Comedy

Oh, geez, we're in the thick of the rom-coms now. Maggie (Sarah Jessica Parker) is a single mom taking her bratty teen (Rosie Day) to Italy, where she reconnects with Luca (Raoul Bova), a local with a ridiculous accent who shouts things like, "Oh, ma-ma! Oh, Prima!" Luca and Maggie had a scorchin' hot affair decades ago and he's still single — but he also lives with his mom. Swipe left, girl!

"Regression"

R | Horror

Ethan Hawke plays a Minnesota detective working the case of a young woman (Emma Watson) who's accused her father of a crime involving folks in Druid-like robes, a basement and a secret, widespread cult. The father (creepy-lookin' Dave Dencik) confesses to the crime without being able to recall any of it, and a psychologist is brought in to help him unearth what happened. Written and directed by Alejandro Amenábar ("The Others," "Open Your Eyes.")

"Misconduct"

R | Thriller

A young prosecutor (Josh Duhamel), hungry to convict a pharmaceutical company (led by Anthony Hopkins) for fraud and encouraged to do so by his mentor (Al Pacino), cheats on his wife (Alice Eve) with a sexy investigator (Malin Akerman) who soon turns up dead. Now that she's dead, he's hunted by a third sexy blonde (Julia Stiles.) Think he's been setup by Hopkins, and the twist will be that Pacino was involved too? Oh. Spoiler alert?

Feb. 12

"Deadpool"

R | Action

Folks are pretty excited about this new superhero flick, but possibly not as excited as star Ryan Reynolds, who's been trying to play the character since 2004. This is Academy award-nominated short film director Tim Miller's first foray into the feature world, a transition that might work great since successful short films require high impact in a short amount of time. Also stars Morena Baccarin as Copycat, Gina Carano as Angel Dust, Ed Skrein as Ajax, Stefan Kapicic as Colossus, T.J. Miller as Weasel and Rachel Sheen as Mrs. Weasel.

"How to be Single"

R | Comedy

"If you're not having fun, you're not doing it right," alleges the trailer for Christian Ditter's film starring Rebel Wilson and Dakota Johnson as single besties. But since it's clear — from the trailer — that sexy-time relationships are formed by the close of the film, doesn't it sound as if the instruction given here is how single women can end up in a relationship and stop being single? I'll answer for you: Yes it does.

"Zoolander 2"

NR | Comedy

Derek (Ben Stiller, who also directs) and Hansel (Owen Wilson) return to modeling at the behest of an Interpol agent/bikini model (Penelope Cruz) following the assassination of several pop stars after Mugatu (Will Ferrell) escapes from prison. Also stars Olivia Munn, Kristen Wiig, Macaulay Culkin, Christine Taylor and Benedict Cumberbatch as All, a transgendered character that's already garnered the film a lot of criticism. Fun fact: There were six writers of this film, including Justin "The Leftovers" Theroux.

"Touched With Fire"

R | Drama

Katie Holmes and Luke Kirby star as manic depressives who fall in love during a stay at a psychiatric ward. This was written and directed by Paul Dalio, who suffered from manic-depression himself and was encouraged by his mentor, Spike Lee, to create a film encompassing both the misery and joy of the disorder. This is now Dalio's second film on the subject, and it's getting rave reviews. Expect to cry your eyes out.

"Where to Invade Next"

R | Documentary

Michael Moore's latest documentary takes viewers around Europe, exploring the differences between those countries and the U.S.

"Already Tomorrow in Hong Kong"

NR | Comedy

An American living in Hong Kong (Brian Greenberg) and a Chinese-American tourist (Jamie Chung) meet-cute but are separated until Ruby moves there. Then they're probably in love. Emily Ting writes and directs.

Feb. 17

"Embrace of the Serpent"

NR | Drama

Nominated as "Best Foreign Language Film" by the Academy Awards, Ciro Guerra's black and white film follows shaman Karamakate (played by Nilbio Torres and Antonio Bolivar), the last member of his Amazonian tribe, through two stories, one in 1909, the other in 1940, as he leads two scientists (Jan Bijvoet and Brionne Davis) in a search for a healing herb. The film is quickly gaining wide acclaim, not just for the storytelling, which interweaves themes of existential loneliness, death and explosive cultural meetings, but also for the cinematography and performances. Better not miss this one.

Feb. 19

"Risen"

PG-13 | Action

Joe Fiennes plays Clavius, a Roman warrior hell-bent on finding Jesus' body after it goes missing from the tomb. Directed by Kevin Reynolds, who made "Waterworld" with Kevin Costner.

"The Witch"

R | Horror

Robert Eggers wrote and directed this film. It's about a witch.

"Race"

PG-13 | Biography

Stephan James stars as Jesse Owens, the world-renowned athlete trained by Larry Snyder (Jason Sudeikis) and sent to the 1924 Olympics in Berlin. Yes, that's when Hitler was busy pushing white supremacy.

"Rolling Papers"

NR | Documentary

Mitch Dickman's documentary covers the "Green Rush" in Colorado and how The Denver Post appointed the first Marijuana Editor.

Feb. 26

"Gods of Egypt"

PG-13 | Fantasy

If you're into humongous, fire-breathing cobras, silver dudes who fly, pyramids, scantily clad hot people, giant beetles and Gerard Butler, have I got a movie for you! Also stars Geoffrey Rush, and your boyfriend, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau.

"Triple 9"

NR | Crime

Bank robbers under pressure from the Russian mafia decide to split the police force in half to pull off a massive score — good cops will respond to the murder of a rookie police officer, while bad cops assist with the heist. Stars Woody Harrelson, Casey Affleck, Anthony Mackie, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Kate Winslet, Teresa Palmer and Norman Reedus.

"Eddie the Eagle"

NR | Biography

A man (Taron Egerton) who dreamt of being a sporting champion since he was a boy, refuses to let go of the idea of being the first British ski jumper in the Winter Olympics. Aided by a gruff American (Hugh Jackman), "Eddie the Eagle" fights his way through the U.K.'s Olympic Association, the jeers of the press, and the general feeling he has no business anywhere near a ski jump. Christopher Walken joins director Dexter Fletcher's cast in what can only be described as a classic feel-good film.

MARCH

March 4

"London Has Fallen"

NR | Action

If you like international meetings in London, threats on various heads of state, exploding Big Bens, evil silver foxes with accents, hard-boiled dialogue delivered in low gravelly voices and Gerard Butler, have I got a movie for you! Also stars Morgan Freeman, Angela Bassett, Radha Mitchell, Aaron Eckhart, and Jackie Earle Haley.

"Zootopia"

PG | Animation

A rookie rabbit cop and a con artist fox work together to solve a crime in this animated Disney flick. Voices by Idris Elba, Ginnifer Goodwin, Alan Tudyk, J.K. Simmons, Jason Bateman and Shakira.

"Whiskey Tango Foxtrot"

NR | Comedy

This isn't just the name of a bar — it's also a flick based on the autobiographical account of Kim Barker (played by Tina Fey), a journalist who offers to do wartime coverage in Afghanistan and Pakistan, in part to infuse some action into her life. Also stars Martin Freeman, Billy Bob Thornton, Margot Robbie, Josh Charles and Alfred Molina.

"Knight of Cups"

R | Romance

Terrence Malick, director of "Days of Heaven," "The Thin Red Line" and "The Tree of Life," explores the tangled mess that is the human heart through the story of a successful screenwriter (Christian Bale) as he attempts to drown out the grief he feels over the death of his brother. Also stars Natalie Portman, Cate Blanchett and Brian Dennehy.

March 11

"The Brothers Grimsby"

NR | Comedy

Orphaned brothers adopted separately reunite three decades later to discover one (Mark Strong) is a ruthless government assassin, while the other (Sacha Baron Cohen) is a football-lovin' wankah. (Translation: soccer hooligan.) The Wankah messes up a kill shot for The Assassin, and soon the brothers are beating up baddies left and right.

"The Other Side of the Door"

R | Horror

A grieving mother (Sarah Wayne Callies) travels to a temple with a door to the afterworld so she can have one last goodbye. Despite being warned she shouldn't open the door, she does and lets in a bunch of super scary ghosties! BOOOOO!

"The Young Messiah"

PG-13 | Drama

Yes, someone made a movie from the perspective of Jesus at age 7. Sean Bean plays the Roman guard searching for him. Directed by Cyrus Nowrasteh.

"Hello, My Name is Doris"

R | Comedy

Sally Field plays Doris, a sixty-something woman with loud fashion sense and a reticent spirit who develops a mad crush on the new art director (Max Greenfield from "New Girl") at her job — a crush so deep, it drives her out of her comfort zone and back out into the world. Also stars Natasha Lyonne, Kyle Mooney and Tyne Daly.

"Eye in the Sky"

R | Thriller

Helen Mirren, Aaron Paul and Alan Rickman (oh, Alan Rickman ...) star in this flick about a possible drone strike that will take out two top terrorists and an innocent young girl, and the fighting which occurs while making that decision. I can't decide if it sounds like pro- or anti-drone propaganda.

March 18

"The Divergent Series: Allegiant"

PG-13 | Adventure

The third one.

"The Little Prince"

PG | Animation

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's beloved book is expanded upon in director Mark Osborne's film. In it, the desires of a single mother, determined to schedule every last minute of her daughter's life, are contrasted by a new neighbor, The Aviator from de Saint-Exupéry's story, who wants to teach the girl to play. Animation styles are fluid in this film; let's hope the whole thing comes together in something approaching magical. Stars Jeff Bridges, Rachel McAdams, Paul Rudd, Marion Cotillard, James Franco, Benicio Del Toro, Ricky Gervais, Riley Osborne, Albert Brooks, and Mackenzie Foy as The Little Girl.

"Midnight Special"

PG-13 | Sci-fi

A father (Michael Shannon) desperate to protect his son (who possesses superpowers such as glowing eyes and the ability to blow stuff up) goes on the lam with a couple of helpers (Kirsten Dunst and Joel Edgerton). Chasing after them are government officials (including Adam Driver) and a religious cult (headed by Sam Shepard.) Written and directed by Jeff Nichols, of "Mud" fame. Could be pretty spooky.

"Krisha"

R | Comedy

Trey Edward Shults might be a name we need to write down and keep in our pockets. His writing/directorial debut, about a middle-aged woman returning to her family to make peace and reconnect after having been gone a decade, is garnering quite a bit of positive early buzz.

March 25

"Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice"

PG-13 | Action

For the life of me, I can't find any information on this film. Must be a little indie thing nobody's gonna see.

"My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2"

PG-13 | Comedy

Nia Vardalos and John Corbett are back, along with the entire nutty family, throwing another enormous wedding and driving each other insane.

"I Saw the Light"

R | Biography

Tom Hiddleston stars as Hank Williams in Marc Abraham's biopic about my favorite country-western singer, his music, his family (Elizabeth Olsen) and the trouble that came with all of it.

APRIL

April 1

"Rings"

PG-13 | Horror

We've got a new director (F. Javier Gutierrez), three writers (Jacob Aaron Estes, Akiva Goldman, David Loucka) and actors Johnny Galecki and Aimee Teegarden new to the franchise, but this is still just a movie about people who die after watching a bad film.

"Collide"

PG-13 | Thriller

This far out in the theatrical release world is when details start getting thin, folks. All I know about this one is there's a traveler who ends up driving drug dealers around Europe and they all end up on the Autobahn together. Does this mean a hobo chauffeurs a bunch of pharmacists around in a rental car headed to Oktoberfest? Prolly not. (I'll start writing that script immediately.) More likely it'll be a trustafarian backpacker accidentally pissing off a heroin smuggler and being shot at while driving 90 kilometers per hour in a pavement-grey Aston Martin.

"The Dark Horse"

R | Drama

This is not the story of Batman's beloved pony. Instead, it's the story of a champion chess player, Genesis Potini, a Kiwi suffering from bipolar disorder. The film, directed by James Napier Robertson, has garnered swaths (16) of nominations at film festivals and loads (20) of awards.

"Miles Ahead"

R | Biography

Don Cheadle directed and co-wrote (with Steven Baigelman) this biopic about jazz legend Miles Davis. Stars Ewan McGregor, Michael Stuhlbarg, Cheadle and Keith Stanfield.

April 8

"The Boss"

R | Comedy

Melissa McCarthy plays Michelle Darnell, the richest woman in America who's also super mean to her underpaid assistant (Kristen Bell) until she's busted for insider trading and sent to prison. The big house. The cooler. The clink. The nick — if you're British. (Editor's note: Cut it out, Fritz.) Fine. So she's in the poky, all her assets are frozen, and when she finally gets out of the slammer, she has to stay with her old assistant and little daughter. But life outside the glasshouse ain't easy, either; now she's gotta take the kid to Dandelions meetings (basically Girl Scouts). And what does this one-time titan of business do? She decides Dandelions suck, starts her own troop and gets in lots of street fights over cookies. Hope she doesn't land back in the quod, can, choky, jug, calaboose! (Editor's note: Put down the thesaurus, please.)

"Before I Wake"

PG-13 | Horror

Grieving the loss of their little boy, a couple (Thomas Jane and Kate Bosworth) adopt Cody, (Jacob Tremblay), a weird little boy with a butterfly obsession, insomnia and a serious fear of dreaming — because his dreams come true. Predictably, his nightmares create some pretty serious problems for his new family.

"Demolition"

R | Comedy

A marginally soulless investment banker (Jake Gyllenhaal) discovers after the death of his wife (Heather Lind) that he's been missing out on virtually all of life. Her father (Chris Cooper) once told him that to fix something, you had to take it all apart, and so he begins doing that, including bulldozing his fancy house. Directed by Jean-Marc Vallee, written by Bryan Sipe and co-starring Naomi Watts.

April 15

"The Jungle Book"

NR | Fantasy

Jon Favreau directs this remake of a Disney film based on a Rudyard Kipling book about an orphan boy raised in the jungle with animals. (Just in case someone out there doesn't already know the bare necessities here.) Stars Scarlett Johansson, Saffron Burrows, Idris Elba, Bill Murray, Christopher Walken and Lupita Nyong'o.

"Amityville: The Awakening"

R | Horror

Same haunted house, different actors. This time we get Jennifer Jason Leigh, Bella Thorne and Cameron Monaghan.

"Barbershop: The Next Cut"

PG-13 | Comedy

Calvin (Ice Cube) and his buddies make room at the barbershop for the ladies, and they all come together to fix the serious problems in their neighborhood. Odds are good someone will say, "Bye, Felicia." Starring Anthony Anderson, Regina Hall, Common, Nicki Minaj, Sean Patrick Thomas, Cedric the Entertainer, Eve.

"Everybody Wants Some"

R | Comedy

Richard Linklater's beloved film "Dazed and Confused" took place in the '70s; this one's in the '80s. Expect bad haircuts, short shorts, shorter shorts, and "Cotton-Eyed Joe." Starring Zoey Deutch and possibly the next Matthew McConaughey, so clip this list out and put it in your wallet: Blake Jenner, Tyler Hoechlin, Ryan Guzman, Wyatt Russell, Glen Powell, Will Brittain.

"Elvis & Nixon"

NR | Comedy

Some press materials for this film allege the meeting between Elvis and Nixon is untold. Lies. I watched "Drunk History" and I clearly saw Jack Black meet Bob Odenkirk. Anyway, the photo of Nixon and Elvis shaking hands is the most-requested photo from the National Archives, and the fact Elvis convinced Nixon to make him a federal agent makes this story worth telling again and in detail. Liza Johnson directs, Michael Shannon plays Elvis and Kevin Spacey plays Nixon.

"Green Room"

R | Horror

A punk band locks themselves in their green room at the venue after the scariest, grossest, most violent [something] happens. Soon they're in big trouble with Patrick Stewart. Stars Imogen Poots, Alia Shawkat, Anton Yelchin, Mark Webber, Callum Turner and Patrick Stewart. Yes.

April 22

"The Huntsman: Winter's War"

NR | Adventure

The Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth), who saved Snow White, now teams up with his leather-clad girlfriend (Jessica Chastain) to fight the Ice Queen (Emily Blunt) and the Evil Queen (Charlize Theron) before they take over "the land."

"The Meddler"

PG-13 | Comedy

A widow (Susan Sarandon) leaves New York to be closer to her daughter in Los Angeles (Rose Byrne) but quickly drives her daughter nuts by trouncing all over boundaries — checking her Internet search history, hanging out in the home office, seeing the same therapist— meddling, as it were. She is The Meddler of yore. I'm guessing the timing of this release (so close to Mother's Day) is planned in the same way horror flicks always come out during Valentine's Day.

April 29

"Ratchet & Clank"

PG | Animation

A space fox and a robot work together to save the Earth. If someone had smacked me in the back of the head while I watched the trailer for this, I'd be perpetually sneering.

"Keanu"

NR | Comedy

If you're into adorable baby kitties kidnapped by street gangs, friends (Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele) posing as drug dealers to rescue said kitty, and Will Forte in dreads, then have I got a movie for you! (Seriously, this looks hilarious.)