In "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows," you can take the fab four out of the sewers and into the light of New York City, but too much dumbness still lurks in the dark. Like its 2014 counterpart – a $500 million surprise hit – this follow-up is loud, befuddling, derivative and long. With a runtime of 114 minutes, the movie wears out its welcome way before the last nunchuck is hurled. In other words, it has all the hallmarks of a brainless Michael Bay (redundant?) blockbuster – excessively noisy, excessively explosive and excessively stupid. That's no surprise considering Bay ("Transformers" franchise) is back as producer, as are the screenwriting duo of Josh Appelbaum and André Nemec ("Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol.")
Dave Green ("Earth to Echo") takes over directing duties, as the turtles, Leonardo (Pete Ploszek), Donatello (Jeremy Howard), Raphael (Alan Ritchson) and Michaelangelo (Noel Fisher), reprise their half-shell heroics in stopping conspiring baddies, Shredder (Brian Tee) and Krang (voice of Brad Garrett). The pair is plotting to open a portal to a new dimension, which would give the super-villains the power to dominate the planet. The junk food-munching vigilante reptiles come out of the sewers and are again aided in their quest to save the world by TV journalist April O'Neil (Megan Fox, hard-working, but still miscast) and her one-time camera man, Vern (Will Arnett, so bored that his quippy ad-libs feel forced). Newcomers to the pizza party include an entertaining Tyler Perry, playing mad scientist Baxter Stockman, and "Arrow" hottie Stephen Amell as Casey Jones, a gone-rogue corrections officer who can wield a hockey stick. The Oscar-nominated and Emmy-winning Laura Linne y pops her head out to play a New York Police detective. Usually a presence like hers would lend gravitas, but I spent way too long wondering why she's even here. Paycheck? Favor?
Parents, take notice: even though the movie is based on a franchise of toys, TV shows and video games targeting children, it's not for little kids. There's no blood, but there is a lot of computer-generated violence – street fights, explosions and crashes. It's PG-13 for a reason. Plus, Krang is disgusting – a pink-slime creature that slithers out of a giant, silver robot's stomach.
So if the goal was to be big, dumb and loud, then the filmmakers succeed. The movie is a series of uninspired and unsuspenseful set pieces strung together with expository dialogue about "purple ooze," world domination and a pink lip-glossed Fox wearing tiny tank tops and plaid school-girl miniskirts. Gotta give the dads in the audience something to ogle, right?
Like every other superhero movie this season, a side plot has the teen turtles in turmoil with each other, as their adolescent angst over being different stirs conflict. They wrestle with themes of prejudice and social injustice – all stuff the "X-Men" movies have done much better. Here, it's handled with a real light touch.
In the film's best sequence, the turtles chase oafish thugs Bebop (a purple-mohawked Gary Anthony Williams) and Rocksteady (Irish WWE wrestler Stephen Farrelly) to Brazil to secure some nefarious object. There's some cool aerial acrobatics, fun banter and knockabout action that ends on a dramatic waterfall. Narratively speaking, the Brazil detour does nothing to drive the thin-crust plot, but it supplies what the movie needs more of: the turtles. And it captures the quirky charm and camaraderie of the cartoon that's missing when the movie too often cuts to rote scenes depicting the humans.
But before you can say "Cowabunga!" the end leaves plenty of room for another movie.
Dana Barbuto may be reached at dbarbuto@ledger.com or follow her on Twitter @dbarbuto_Ledger.
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: OUT OF THE SHADOWS (PG-13 for for sci-fi action violence.) Megan Fox, Will Arnett, Laura Linney, Stephen Amell, Tyler Perry, Noel Fisher, Jeremy Howard, Pete Ploszek, Alan Ritchson, Brian Tee, Stephen "Sheamus" Farrelly, Gary Anthony Williams. Grade: C
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